When talking recently to a school parent group I was asked ‘How do you make your child resilient?’. I had no immediate answer. After some thought I did stumble on an answer, of sorts. If your child is to become resilient then you must be a resilient parent. You cannot solve all of their problems. Sometimes, they have to deal with their biggest problems by themselves. You can offer support but you cannot live their lives for them. My daughter had to face her inner monsters herself. She did. And she does today. The next two posts offer insights into the heart-crushing challenge of becoming a resilient parent.
When my daughter was 12 years old
she slipped silently, imperceptibly at first, into anorexia.
‘The Days are Forgetting me’ she scribbled on a note pad.
They were.
And each day she slipped further away from me.
I felt I was watching her walk slowly, deeper and deeper into the still waters of a lonely lake, while I was sealed off from her behind a wall of Perspex, banging, yelling, pressing my face against the glass,
unable to get through to her.
Fear electrified my every thought.
I was her mother. I had to feed her.
Meanwhile, psychologists, psychiatrists and doctors could name the condition.
They could pop her into a diagnostic box.
None could open the lid.
My turning point in understanding this affliction
– this chameleon viper that disappears and returns
to strike in different forms –
was realising I could not control this carnivorous monster consuming my daughter alive.
I could not eat for her.
It was her monster.
She had to take the stand, she had to turn on it and fight.
Who else could?
Kerry Cue
This is an edited extract from Forgotten Wisdom by Kerry Cue #mce_temp_url#
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